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Introduction
I am I...
Do not change me
Condemn me, nor put me down.
Accept me for what I am.
No...you need not agree with me
But accept me.
For I am total in being.
I have my Faults, I have my guilts
But that is who I am.
Perfect I will never be.
Allow me to be uninhibited.
Do not pressure me into feeling
What I do not feel.
Accept me when I am flying high
As I have accept you
When you wee flying high.
Do not put me down...
Nor make me feel unhappy about me.
I am I...
And I like being what I am...
Me.
Welcome to my world of thoughts.
Losing...
Sunday, July 03, 2005
7:40 PM
During the past, i wonder why people commit sucide. I find it damn stupid. I dont understand why too. But slowly i know why. I always tell myself i should not cause of my mother, my father and my brother. They will be so sad when i am gone. But everytime when i tried to hold on, the more terrible i felt. The pain is killing my mind and my soul. So from that day when i realize the reason why people do commit sucide, i never say it was stupid. Everything we did in life happens for a reason.
I feel so tired. I just wanted to sleep forever. Whatever and how much i tried or do, it doesnt work. There's no miracle for me. Why never give me a chance. Why everytime when i tried so hard, it doesnt work out for me. Why everytime it took my smile, my hope, my sun away from me and leave me in darkness again and again? I felt so cold like snow around me. I dont even have a candle to warm me up.
I really wish he can come back. I really wish. Why doesnt he believe in me for what i felt and said? What i have done wrong when i really truthful of what i have felt and said to him and he doesnt believe in me? What must i do so that he will come back to me? Why there are so many questions without an answer for me to help me? I felt i am caged and i cant fly out. I felt i wanted to scream but no voice came out. The feelings is really KILLING me.
Every min, every sec, everyday i am breaking down and i duno how long i can hold on. When i am bathing all these thoughts came to me. I looked at myself in the mirror asking myself why why and why. I showered my tears away again and again. But it keep coming back. Why everytime good things keep leaving me? Am i so ill-fated in these areas? The program i did for him was done. I plan to show him this coming tue, but i dont have the chance anymore. It took me long to complete it. When i take a look @ this program, it looked so sweet but painful. Its a program when shows the heartshape out showing i love him after he pressed the key enter. I really do love him for what he is. But he doesnt believe anymore. He doesnt want to love me anymore. Why god doesnt want to give me more time to show him how much i love him? Why i only can cry but not smile? From that moment, i knew i wun b happy as the past 2 weeks again cause i lost the thing i need the most. So i really know why people do commit sucide. Its a most sadden thing to do in live cause only tt moment when u commit sucide, u felt the most lonely, the most fear, the most sadden feeling, and most worries. Memories will keep coming back flashing your mind. All these will end only when ur life is gone. That end of the misery but is the most saddest thing in life.
* Why you dont let me to love you?
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I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But i do do feel that
I too too will miss you much
Miss you much...
I can see the first leaf falling
It's all yellow and nice
It's so very cold outside
Like the way i'm feeling inside
I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But i do do feel that
I too too will miss you much
Miss you much...
Outside it's now raining
And tears are falling from my eyes
Why did it have to happen
Why did it all have to end
I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But i do do feel that
I too too will miss you much
Miss you much...
I have your arms around me ooooh like fire
But when i open my eyes
You're gone...
I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But i do do feel that
I too too will miss you much
Miss you much...
I'm a big big girl
In a big big world
It's not a big big thing if you leave me
But i do feel i will miss you much
Miss you much...
Béseme... Toqúeme... Siéntame ®
