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Introduction
I am I...
Do not change me
Condemn me, nor put me down.
Accept me for what I am.
No...you need not agree with me
But accept me.
For I am total in being.
I have my Faults, I have my guilts
But that is who I am.
Perfect I will never be.
Allow me to be uninhibited.
Do not pressure me into feeling
What I do not feel.
Accept me when I am flying high
As I have accept you
When you wee flying high.
Do not put me down...
Nor make me feel unhappy about me.
I am I...
And I like being what I am...
Me.
Welcome to my world of thoughts.
Lost without ....
Saturday, October 15, 2005
3:52 AM
Now is 3.57am and I cant sleep. I have no idea why I cant fall asleep as I used to be a pig and slept a lot. The feeling inside me is so strange and I cant figure out what is it and fix it in order to let me lead a more happy life.
When I was trying to get some sleep, my mind was thinking of things. I though of why when my life was lost without love, everything tend to turn bad for me and it was extremely bad. Nothing went well and good for me. I am suffering a lot of stress, be it family, financial & health, everything almost drove me crazy. My HP lost and when I drank I vomit. Everything turned out bad for me.
The funny thing was when my life was with love, life tend to be so sweet and happy, just liked the world was without time. Everything went extremely well for me. For example, my studies went well, my family relationship with me was good, my financial and health went well too. I am so happy and never sad.
One of my guy buddy told me, life will be full of up and down and I agreed. He told me not to think of all the problems at a go and ask me to think of it and settled it one by one. If I thought of everything, I will be extremely stress up. But the problem is at time I do not know how to settle it or I should say fix it. I still remember that koka told something and that was - It maybe be a good thing for me as I am mature, saw, knowing and learn things that my age doesn't go or felt it. But it will also turn out a bad thing for me as whatever I saw, learn and felt will be ugly too and I will suffer. At times I really give up and leave it to fate.
All I wanted was a guy to love me truly and without any problem and trouble. Is it so difficult? My friend told me I am young and I will have plenty of chances and have a long way to go. But right now I cant even handle it, how am I going to continue? I admit I am young, but age cant really be compare to the problem that what we been facing bad things at times. So far what I been facing, I just felt is too much for me. I am extremely tired but yet I have to continue my life. When I think of my sec schoolmates and saw them so happy, I damn envy them. They were envy me of going clubbing, knowing quite a lot of things and guys etc, but they doesn't know about the ugly side of it. I understand why they thought of this way. But so far, all the relationships was extremely sour for me. I am too tired to fight with it.
Things have turn out these way, yet I cant do anything to it. I will just cherish what I have now and pray hard that life will be happier for me. Be it god or devil have a pity on me for what I have gone through - the health , the family , the financial and the relationships.
Béseme... Toqúeme... Siéntame ®
