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Introduction
I am I...
Do not change me
Condemn me, nor put me down.
Accept me for what I am.
No...you need not agree with me
But accept me.
For I am total in being.
I have my Faults, I have my guilts
But that is who I am.
Perfect I will never be.
Allow me to be uninhibited.
Do not pressure me into feeling
What I do not feel.
Accept me when I am flying high
As I have accept you
When you wee flying high.
Do not put me down...
Nor make me feel unhappy about me.
I am I...
And I like being what I am...
Me.
Welcome to my world of thoughts.
天灰
Saturday, February 17, 2007
6:35 PM
Today wasnt even the start of Cny, just the eve, and i gotta such a lously mood now. Maybe it's my fated that whatever i do, be it good intention or angry intention, nothing seem to be good to me. Everyone seemed to blame me. Even my parents and you. Everyone can forget about the good intentions of mine and blame me. Everyone loves to blame me.
Just before the start of a happy reunion dinner, i kanna blame by people closest to me. I was kanna fucked upside down by my dad. And now i was hoping my handphone wont spoilt. Who will really believe me? No one. One by one ask me to go away and find other people. I told myself not to cry no matter how upset i will be today. Crying non stop for duno how many weeks. I couldnt remember. It's seem like a routine for me. That sentence makes me wonder isit one by one dunwan me le. Even my mum said that. Even you said that. Which part of the world and people belong to me and wont ask me go away?
My parents blaming me now for not eating dinner outside. I felt guilty once i heard what they've said, especially my mum whom woke up early in the morning. I never told him about i choosing dinner at home. My mum asked me so many days ago. I thought... ..... But i was wrong. Once and once again blaming me for nothing, even helping out my mum,eating reunion dinner and things i didnt know. Does he know how hurt once again i am?
I know he did so much things for me. I know he love me so much. It's not that i duno. I just couldnt take it when he thinked so many strange things and keep doubting. I know his family doted on him alot alot, that why whatever he wanted he got. That is why i doted on him so much, but i couldnt take it when because of some factors which i couldnt help it and he blamed me and showing me attud. Because there's really nothing i could prevent all these factors.
When will he learn to understand ? I never ask for money or anything else. All i ask is for his love, understanding and believe in me. There's so much things that i wanna do for him but i cant due to 1 factor. He should know what it is. That why maybe he thinked that i didnt love him much. There's really alot of things i wanna do for him. Like cooking breakfast for him when he woke up, cleaning his room, hold his hand, hugging him, etc. Maybe because i cant do it that why he never feel my love for him. I know he wanted to do all these simple things for me too. Why i can understand what he doing for me yet he cant understand how much i am trying and keep saying me, blaming me and giving me attud. Till he thought i am forcing him?
Whatever i wanna do for him is i willing to do. Please dont ever think is because of force. Cause i love you that why i do. Whenever you moody, ur temper just flare and keep saying people. Maybe u duno, now i am telling you. That is why i am so scare of u.
I wont leave him cause i love him too much till i just couldnt bear to leave him. Every night and every morning once i open my eyes, i think of him and praying and hoping that we could be everlasting. But maybe one day, one day i am too stress up, and i couldnt control (we never know what will happen next and i prayed it wont happen) dont be sad for me and dont cry when you've cool down and think back. Cause i never blame you before and i really never. I am blaming my fate for what i couldnt do. :) Loving you with all my life, my dearest boy.
我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯 早已经全都熄灭
Béseme... Toqúeme... Siéntame ®
